Dedicated to Luis Cases and @antonello who provided me with inspiration, and in memoriam to Jan Kuehnemund, Stom Thorgerson, Clive Burr and Alvin Lee, who left us past year.

A fresh new year has just sprung. Sounds like a good excuse to make some kind of New Year’s resolution. We humans love to draw some kind of mental threshold in place in order to empower ourselves to make things we have not been to resolve by ourselves in the first place. So if this is the case, we are going to spill the beans because of our new resolution, Aren’t We?

To be honest, it’s a day just as good as any other to state something that I think should be obvious by now:

We need to dethrone Google.

Kill the king.


It’s time to give Google a good, old-fashioned, put you in the frontier, wave handkerchiefs, ass kicking.

To be more precise, we need Google to stop being the world role model of geekiness and entrepreneurship. Google as of now is more like a forty-something (like myself!) trying to dress up as the young urban geek which no longer is and trying to hang out and pick up young girls on the nightclub pretending he’s 20. Silver hairs and pointy teeth mixed with sunglasses and Converse All-Stars just provides an eerie effect.

We need another company to capture the imagination and the spark of what should be a technical, innovative, geeky-centric future. We should have a different, less muddy company spearheading the Tech revolution.  As Microsoft did once, the sceptre must be handed and the torch must be carried elsewhere. I know this will not be made willingly, so I’ll try to convey on this post why I think the need is desperate as of now.

Probably we are suffering from the same disease that preyed the frogs from Aesop’s fable and Google will be eventually substituted for another gutless, ruthless corporation (I suggest them to take a Heron as a logo, to close the circle) that will make them look tame, but seriously, enough has been enough.

I am not a suspect of being a Google’s fanboy, and a quick scan of the web will make my point clear. I have used the undoubtedly tasteless “Anal probe” metaphor for years and have made it a minor reference to a small circle of Spanish readers. I’m not the first one to write against Google in the meantime, and the concern is rising. What is the capital sin that Google has made to make the levee break?

In my opinion, it’s not so much a matter of a tipping point happen, but more an issue of a pervasive pestilence which was subtle at first, but now has reached such a stench that it’s making the air non-breathable.

Google has created a zeitgeist that basically implies that putting anal probes on you, stripping you out of your data, and using it to provide advertising, is basically OK and should be carried to as many touchpoints as possible.

And the pestilence is quickly expanding.

 “There certainly seems to be a generational divide on the issue of privacy. During a presentation at my daughters school about school supplied computers, one of the 6th graders remarked that there really wasn’t privacy any more, so why worry about it. Had a great discussion 2 years ago at SXSW about whether it was a generational thing or where you were in life. The same 6th grader who says privacy doesn’t matter today might be a 40 year old in the future who is concerned.”

Source: David Polinchock

Google is introducing the noxious fumes of “Spying in order to get relevance for our ads is basically ok, and hey, privacy isn’t really a big deal, right?. Besides, millennials are already basically giving up on the matter” which are pervading the Internet.

Google is an advertising agency. Google is a one-trick pony. Don’t be fooled by the use of different probes: The same basic skill is applied over and over. And Google’s business is making of his only skill (Give freebies in exchange of personal data to be sold to advertisers as targeting criteria on their advertising channels) his only activity. And anything that can be used as an anal probe will be used to the max.

Google will get into fiber optic. Google will get into smartphones. Google will launch Chromebooks. Google will make Google glasses. Google will get into anything that could be used as a new probe into people’s behaviour, and it does not matter if it’s a robot, quantifying self or whatever other strange venture. If it provides even a remote chance of providing a new set of behavioural data, we will shovel some of the humongous pile of cash we are seated in. And if a probe turns out giving redundant data, or worse, providing no data at all, Google will exterminate the product and will give not a single wink to the existing customer base.

Besides, the probing will never ends by itself. As I have postulated thousands of times, there’s simply no way you can get all the information an advertiser needs in order to make its advertising relevant via anal probes. There’s some data that you cannot plain obtain from behavioural sources, and there’s a quickly forming glass ceiling to the construction of profile from bits and pieces coming from datasuction operations.  Therefore, Google possess an unquenchable thirst for new data, coming from new behavioural dimensions, which needs to come from new probes, and, as they have sown the seeds of evil, they will never be stopped by their own hands. Justice and legislations will have to do that, I have long forecasted that this will end on court, and some signs of it are gradually appearing.

There has been no lack of questioning regarding Google malpractices on several books as of late. I can think of Eli Pariser, in The Filter Bubble, questioning how Google filtering is impoverishing our cultural points of view. I can think of The Googlization of Everything, by Sida Vaidhyanathan, rising questions on Google omniscence and less known, but with more local impact in Spain, I can think of Alejandro Suarez’s Desnudando a Google (Naking Google).

I’m going to stop a little bit more on this one. Maybe because is less known, but more like it for how was affected by the pestilence. I’m not going to judge the book’s quality, it’s beyond my point. But I will point on the direction of all the headlines the book got.

Every one of them pointed to the fact that Google was somehow evading taxes to the Spanish State, via some nifty financial engineering involving Ireland.

Alas, Houdini would be proud of the monumental misdirection trick pulled by Google.

IMHO, His basic premise is completely wrong. Well, not wrong, the angle is not correct. Or, more like it, he captured headlines for all the wrong reasons. Not a single mention (maybe a small one buried on a corner of the press coverages) to the pestilence.

Getting Google for their undoubtedly sneaky tax movements is very much like tackling Al Capone for Tax fraud. Well, sure Google is guilty of some tax mongering, but compared with the pestilence he is introducing on Worldwide  Culture, it’s almost negligible.


Mi thesis goes a little bit beyond that: Involves Google creating a state of mind. Google is, if not the sole perpetrator, a main contributor of a very sticky, pervasive, and poisonous idea which is getting more and more accepted:

It’s basically OK to stick an anal probe deep down your guts to get your data. It’s for your own good.

Right, NSA also projects a similar message. But for God’s sake, NSA is supposed to be taking care of ourselves (Even if they do it the wrong way).  NSA it’s a Government operated agency. Google is a fucking advertising agency. A shiver runs down my spine when I read this article and see a genius like Kurzweil talking of Google as if they were some scientific, non profit organization. They are fucking hijackers, nonetheless.

Some rapists, on their own twisted mind, truly believe their victims are demanding it. They do not blame their own inadequacies, their own inability to create and develop an effective relationship. They fear being rejected and therefore, as they know better, take by force what they think they deserve by birthright.

And once you are affected enough by the pestilence, you start thinking in a twisted way as well. Then, the parade of twisted statements start its downfall:

“I am convinced that the persecution of the jew is not in any large degree due to religious prejudice. No, the Jew is a money-getter… He was at it in Rome. He has been at it ever since. His success has made the whole human race his enemy” 

Mark Twain, “Concerning the Jews” Harper’s Monthly Magazine September 1899 – Mentioned in Judenhass, by Dave Sim

“If you have something that you don’t want anyone to know maybe you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place” 

Eric Schmidt, Google Ex-CEO at a CNBC interview

“The ad experience you have always dreamed of”

Copy From the LG advertising behind its Smart TV horryfing story involving your TVs sneaking your programming habit and sending the data down to Korea without letting anyone know

“I’m going to give you what you are asking for, bitch”

Pick your favourite rapist here


Google must be stopped. This pervasive poisonous gas cloud must be deterred. This has gone too far. And it’s creating a very, very wrongful idea than it’s acceptable to take a shortcut in creating a relationship. Let’s go back to the classics: The Supremes (Made popular later by Phil Collins)


You can’t hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don’t come easy
It’s a game of give and take

You can’t hurry love
No, you just have to wait
You got to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

If you want my data, earn it. I’m willing to give it to you, if you make the right proposal, and you pay your dues. And I’m not talking about money, that’s the lesser of my drivers.

It has permeated Facebook and others, who have embraced it willingly. This whole matter is creating a rift between we personal advertising experts and Google / Youtube / Facebook / […] which no amount of money can close. There’s no conciliation point. It’s a huge, uncrossable chasm. Even if I would sell myself like a bitch to huge amounts of money to try to use my techniques on improving Google’s approach (unlikely to happen), it’s not going to fly. There’s no possible intersection point. Either you pick the Force or the Dark Side. There’s no possible compromise.

And getting data in a righful way is not less powerful. As Master Yoda put it, in an impressive personetics course in a nutshell:

Yoda: Yes, run! Yes, a Jedi’s strength flows from the Force. But beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will, as it did Obi-Wan’s apprentice.
Luke: Vader… Is the dark side stronger?
Yoda: No, no, no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.
Luke: But how am I to know the good side from the bad?
Yoda: You will know… when you are calm, at peace, passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, NEVER for attack.
Luke: But tell my why I can’t…
Yoda: No, no! There is no “why”

That’s why Google must be dethroned